Holiday jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
"Eeee, is a time for a tree night out to a tree. 🌲 I can fly to the earth day to day day one night type and a walk in and a tree."
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
me in thanksgiving
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.
Why are there only 362 days in an orphan's calendar? They don’t have Father's Day, Mother's Day, or Family Day.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Telling jokes is snow problem.
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphans get for Christmas?...
Cancer.
A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!
(Standing means: penis erection)
Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
What do orphans call a holiday?
A bit of soil and some leaves as a blanket.
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.