History jokes

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims of course, they went through 89 stories in only 5 minutes!

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

Into little Nazis.

Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.

Why did the Romans build straight roads? So the Pakis (bastards) didn't build corner shops.

The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.

Why can't America play chess?

They're already missing 2 towers.

JFK

Half is definitely a bottom.

Ever heard the saying white people can’t jump??

Well, I think that’s total bullshit. You should have seen us on 9/11!

What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.

How do you make any salad a Caesar salad?

Stab it 23 times!

Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.

Why did Hitler kill people? Because it was funny! 🥵

My friend is blind.

So he always says he cannot Nazi.

Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.

Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.

If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.

1950: In the future there will be flying cars.

2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.

You're so ugly that you and Adolfo Hitler are like twins.

Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?

Random person: I don't know.

No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!

Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.