Health jokes
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's appealing!
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
Have you heard about the movie about constipation?
Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.
"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."
I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.
Um.
Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
What do you call an Asian in a wheelchair? Sum Ting Wong.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.