Health jokes

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

What do you call an emo cancer kid?

Chemo.

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.

What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...

Don't drink and park.

Accidents cause people.

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

This person has Down syndrome.

Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?

She was hit by a bus.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

If someone calls you, just say:

"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"

How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.

Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Cancer

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA