Health jokes
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
lmfao true
What do you call an emo cancer kid?
Chemo.
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
This person has Down syndrome.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.