Health jokes

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

They never get old.

Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!

But he’s all right now.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?

Dial-ISIS!

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣

A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.

What does one boob say to the other boob?

If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a lil' boogie in it ;)

I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

What do you call an emo cancer kid?

Chemo.

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

What's the most expensive haircut?

Chemotherapy.

Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.