Health jokes
I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
Dark humor is like cancer, it's funnier when children get it.
Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
Memes
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
What did the dentist say to the butt?
"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
What is stuck between a doorway?
Rebel Wilson.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
*in the hospital*
Paralyzed kid: I'm out!
*walks out the room*
Blind kid: You can walk?!
Mute kid: You can see?!
Deaf kid: You can talk?!
Doctor: Wut the f**k?
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.