Health jokes
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Memes
HAHAHA
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
I went to a seafood shop.
I pulled a muscle.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
China wants their name on everything but the m.f. virus.
Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.