Health jokes
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Memes
salad
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
China wants their name on everything but the m.f. virus.
Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
What is stuck between a doorway?
Rebel Wilson.