Health jokes
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
Memes
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
What do you call an anorexic blond with a yeast infection?
... A quarter pounder with cheese.
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."
I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"