Dealer jokes
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer, and a prostitute?
A: A sidewalk's crack doesn't leave an odor!
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Addicted, what did the drug dealer say to the dopewhore?
"Damn whore, you're not that addicted when you spread your legs open for any man. No wonder weed is more addicted than yo ass." Lol
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.
During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?
They both hit me face down on the table.
Your daddy must be a drug dealer, because you're dope.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.