How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, im hit! I think I've lost an electron! Are you sure? Asks the other. Im positive!
This one as actually physics(unlike some other joke here, ahem cough cough)
Crimes in 2018- assault, murder. Crimes in 2020- coughing in public.
What did the Asian say to the Asian?
*Cough*
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing or was it the coffin they carried him of in?
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church. You follow him in and under their breath it sounds like somebody says you steal and you say in your mind knowing you have before I’m sorry then somebody caughs and under their breath it sounds like they say again you steal so you whisper quietly I’m sorry... ...then somebody in German says shoot that son of a bitch
anong tawag sa cake na may ubo
edi COUGH cake NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAKAJAHA LT TLGA BOSIT
*COUGHS ROUGHLY* OH MY GOD IT HURTS SO MUCH I CANT SEE IT BURNS HELP !!! HELP !!! HELP !!! HELP *Weakly* !
Last night I had the strangest dream !
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean ?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
What time is it when you get home can you walk me home and get home and I can walk you home and walk home
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender “give me 2 beers”. The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guys beers bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender “hey what are u doing I didn’t order for bud lights I want corona beer”. The bartender replies “ sir I gave you a mix of bud light and corona and it’s on the house everyone is drinking corona tonight”.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
Me: the man sleeped in a $200 bed i He's hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coughing My friend: there cheaper at Costco Me: oh shit your going to have "fun" this weekend
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
How do you know someone is going to die? he can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Q: why is the graveyard so noisy A: because all the coffin
if you don't get it it mean because of people coughing
