Health jokes
You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
What is big and long and hard?
A cucumber!
My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?
"Period, oh period, oww!"
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."