Health jokes
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
A note for My arts/health teacher:
oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
What is your snow ❄️ name? X-ray.
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.