Health jokes
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
Memes
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.