My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
Health Jokes
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
