Health jokes
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What is the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!