Olympics jokes
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
What can an Olympic runner do that Hitler can't?
Finish a race.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?
WALKING!
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...
Michael Phelps can finish a race.
Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:
Kleenex
Depends
Bicycle Helmet manufacturers
Velcro Shoe manufacturers
Steven Hawkings Publishers
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
It's the Olympics.
Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.