Health jokes
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
NO PAPERS CAN CHANGE MY FUTURE!
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.
Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.
What are two things you could call a fart?
"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
What kind of nut hates baseball? A nut that’s sick.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
If an athlete gets athlete's foot... What does an astronaut get? Mistletoe!
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
What do you call a group of depressed people?
Suicide squad.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)