Health jokes
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Joe mama so dumb she studies for the COVID test.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.