"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
Health Jokes
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But donβt worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: πβ₯οΈπͺ
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Whatβs the hamburglerβs retarded cousin? Aspergler.
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
When did I realize COVID was serious?
When I saw your teeth social distancing.
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
Why does the orange π beat the other fruits π in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Joke: Why did the gym close down?
β It just didnβt work out.
Sy'kyira (π): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (π): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (π ): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (π): I know, right?
