Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
When did I realize COVID was serious?
When I saw your teeth social distancing.
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Joke: Why did the gym close down?
– It just didn’t work out.
