Health jokes
Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.
Which of these is the smartest; also, list them too: Is it autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
What constellation has no hair at all?
Cancer.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
Why didn't Biden get the virus?
He sniffed everyone!
Your mama is so stupid, Patrick Starr ran away because he thought she might be contagious.
I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.