Health jokes
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got genital warts, Soon you will, too!
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.
What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.