Health Jokes

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?

Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"

Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!

Me after hearing

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.