Health jokes
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.
Memes
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Yo mama so fat, she died!
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
What did the butt say to the other butt? "I got big fat apples for butt checks!"
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
These are ear-retcal jokes...
Fail.
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
What’s the world’s most diseased country?
GerMany.
Carys’s mum has chemo.