Health jokes
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...
... And pulled a mussel.
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.
I see a dreamer.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...
"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"
What was the winning play at the leper football game? A hand off up the middle.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!