Health jokes
Question: What’s bald and is in a straight line?
Answer: The cancer ward. 😵😂😂
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."
I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Cancer.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Dear uncle, I want my condoms.
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...