Health jokes

My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.

Bro, you teeth are so yellow that you can't brush your teeth.

Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.

Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?

Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.

Fat: Dang...

Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra!

It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun...

Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.

Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother has diabetes.

Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!

I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.

Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?

He was all right.

My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!

Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!

Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.

Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.

Five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head.

Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said, "I'm gay!"

Cancer cancer cancer cancer. (joke speaks for itself)

What's the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

My syndrome is down, but my hopes are up.

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"