Health jokes
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?
Head and shoulders.
Where are fart bombs made?
Old people's arses!
What song is sung when conceiving?
"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"
So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.
Memes
Shitpost-master general
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
Baal jharne ke upay?
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To fix his flow.
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.