Health jokes

Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."

Gym Teacher: "That's alright."

Other Kid: "Hush!"

Keep rolling your eyes and maybe you'll find a brain back there.

Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?

Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!

Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

Because he had no BODY to go with!

Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?

She ended up under the doc[tor].

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because she felt peely!

What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.

A man lost his left arm.

He's all right now.

What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?

Head and shoulders.

Where are fart bombs made?

Old people's arses!

What song is sung when conceiving?

"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"

So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.

What did the doctor say to the potato?

It told it it had tuberculosis.

An apple walked into the clinic.

The doctor asked what his favorite color was.

The apple said "red." :)

I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"

For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.

Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.

Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.

Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?

Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.

Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.

Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.