Health jokes

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.

When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."

How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

I did not believe in COVID-19 until I saw your teeth social distancing.

If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.

The kid just hangs there.

What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?

Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

To fix his flow.

If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?

If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?

Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.

You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.