Health jokes
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.
Dwarfism is a growing problem.
Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.
He jumped off a curb stone.
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.
But don't worry, he is all right now.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?
It gives him gas.
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.