Health jokes
I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.
I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
Memes
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟
Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.
What is a snake's favorite drug?
Adder-all.
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."
My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.
I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.