Health jokes
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
What’s the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
What do you call an autistic daughter?
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.