What do you call a white man that’s blind?
Asian eyes.
If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
It's still depression, by the way.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
I'm sorry for your loss.
It is going tibia okay.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Ralphie: They put drugs in our medication?
Me: The medication is the drugs.
