Health jokes

Yo mama is so poor, she makes her own hand sanitizer.

Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

Arden is so fat!

What do you call a white man that’s blind?

Asian eyes.

Q: What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

A: The wheelchair.

If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.

It's still depression, by the way.

I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.

How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?

Kill her afterwards.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.

Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.

A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"

"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."

You know who else has dementia?

Comments for answer.

What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.

AUGH, oh sorry, I just got a third ball because of girls hitting my balls with a handball!

Doctor: Congratulations!!!

Woman: Was it a successful delivery?

Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!

Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.