Health jokes
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
It's still depression, by the way.
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
Memes
...maybee
"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Comment if you're not vaccinated and don't plan to be!
Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!
Know why they call gonorrhea gonorrhea?
'Cause once you have it, everyone is gone.
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
My grandpa died to ligma.
Ligma balls lol.
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
What is a pooper man called? A dentist.
What did the tissue wear?
A shoe.
Yo mama went to Safeway to be safe.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't "peeling" well!
Fat.
What time do Chinese people go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty (2:30).