Health jokes

On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.

The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"

The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."

Hahaha

Do this on a calculator.

There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.

Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.

I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.

Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.

Yo mama is so poor, she makes her own hand sanitizer.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.

Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.

Yo mama went to Safeway to be safe.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't "peeling" well!

Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”

Man: “Am I dying?”

Doctor: “No, your wife is.”

It's still depression, by the way.

I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.

You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.

You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.

How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?

Kill her afterwards.

Doctor: Congratulations!!!

Woman: Was it a successful delivery?

Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!

Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.

Vaseline