Health jokes
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.
Yo mama is so poor, she makes her own hand sanitizer.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
Arden is so fat!
What do you call a white man that’s blind?
Asian eyes.
Q: What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.
Ralphie: They put drugs in our medication?
Me: The medication is the drugs.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?
A. They call an AmBOOlance.
What did the mongol say to his dog?
Down syndrome!
Why do people consume "Laxatives"?
Answer: So that they can take a "Shit", STUPID!
If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?
Neither does he.
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.