Health jokes
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail. "Doctor, doctor!" He cries out. "What is it?" The doctor asks. "I can't feel my legs!" The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded. ". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
If an athlete gets athlete's foot... What does an astronaut get? Mistletoe!
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.