Health jokes
Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?
A. They call an AmBOOlance.
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.
Arden is so fat!
Why do people consume "Laxatives"?
Answer: So that they can take a "Shit", STUPID!
Memes
knee surgery
What do you call a white man that’s blind?
Asian eyes.
What did the mongol say to his dog?
Down syndrome!
Q: What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?
Neither does he.
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
What did the tissue wear?
A shoe.
My grandpa died to ligma.
Ligma balls lol.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Comment if you're not vaccinated and don't plan to be!