Health jokes

So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ my titties, and then I felt a shoe get shoved all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE’S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched, and got smacked in the face. Went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF r u starin at," I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I though this this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka

My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.

Ha Ha Ha

I thought it was funny.

What do you call a wet condom?

A wet condom.

Dear uncle, I want my condoms.

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."

Ahh, the coronavirus!

What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

Why did the girl not eat her dinner?

because she has an eating disorder.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.

Why did the rapper join a gym?

To get those SICK BARS.

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?

Because it says "B Positive!"

Why did the blind man fall down a well?

Because he couldn’t see that well.