Health jokes
Dear uncle, I want my condoms.
Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."
This making me laughing so much! 🤣🤣🤣
Ahh, the coronavirus!
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
What do you call a Downey with glasses?
No, me neither.
The African kids' theme song is "Staying Alive."
I have cripple and depression.
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect!
Your hairline is so repulsive that my entire family got eye cancer from seeing it, and it goes so far back that you be looking like Vegeta.
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!