Health jokes
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
Ahh, the coronavirus!
"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
Why did the rapper join a gym?
To get those SICK BARS.
What do you call a Downey with glasses?
No, me neither.
The African kids' theme song is "Staying Alive."
I have cripple and depression.
Your hairline is so repulsive that my entire family got eye cancer from seeing it, and it goes so far back that you be looking like Vegeta.
Fuck, my dad has cancer, lol.
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect!