Health jokes
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
me before summer
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
Which is more disabling, autism, ADHD, or Down syndrome?
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
"Chelsea is the most consistent team.
One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.
If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.