Health jokes
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
I have nut cancer...
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
My penis is on fire.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
My anus smells.
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.