Health jokes
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
These are ear-retcal jokes...
Fail.
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
What’s the world’s most diseased country?
GerMany.
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
Carys’s mum has chemo.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
What did the butt say to the other butt? "I got big fat apples for butt checks!"
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.