Health jokes

Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.

Yo mama so fat, she died!

Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.

What did the butt say to the other butt? "I got big fat apples for butt checks!"

What’s the world’s most diseased country?

GerMany.

Me: Imagine not having hair.

Kids: On chemo.

Bitch the fuck.

There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.

Carys’s mum has chemo.

That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.

Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?

..... She had cancer.... ;)

Roses are blue, violets are blue.

What? Ohh, shit!!!!!! I hate having dyslexia!

What do you call diarrhea from a hot woman? Chocolate milk.

What do you call diarrhea from a fat woman? Arsenic.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,

"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"

When you pull out, but the baby's face turns blue.

My penis is on fire.

What is a lot?

Syphilis.

A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.

Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.

What do you call a mammal that has no hair?

Cancer.

How come the toilet paper could not make it across the road?

Because of the Corona Virus.

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

The doctor says, "Next, please."