Health jokes
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
Dam, my balls itch like hell.
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
Why did the cow cross the road? Because the chicken had corona.
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
Why is the orange 🍊 the fastest fruit?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To fix his flow.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.
Like if you are scared of Covid-19.
The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.