Health jokes

Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.

"It never gets old."

"Just like a sick kid!"

Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?

"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"

Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.

Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"

Why are there no fat people in Japan?

Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.

I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

What time is it when dogs get hurt?

Time to take your dog to the vet!

Lung story short... ahqhahahah!

I was going to think of a good amputee joke...

But I’m stumped.

You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?

Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.

There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.

Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.

Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.

Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.

Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?

Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

What's the difference between Andy and acne?

Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.

A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"

Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.

Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye

What do you call a washed vegetable?

A disabled kid that needs a towel.