What do you call someone with notorious special needs and an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
You fighting? More like you're dying!
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
You're so bad at games, bro, they gave you AIDS before losing! 😹
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
Why did the booger cross the nose?
Answer: To get to the other hole.
Why drink water and not bleach?
When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.
What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.
Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.
How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.
You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
Jada Smith: Grow some balls!
Me: Grow some hair!
