Health jokes

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.

Cancer HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.

Why do some couples go to the gym together?

Because they want their relationship to work out.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.

What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?

Because they like to floss.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!