Aunt jokes
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!
Knock knock. Who's there? Jo. Jo who? Jo Auntie.
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
Albert is a homophobic guy. His cousin Franco is also a homophobic guy.
Albert's aunt and cousin have visited his parents, but Albert didn't know that because he came late at night. Franco was sleeping in Albert's bed, thinking he would not come home. Albert laid on his bed, thinking there was no one on it, and then they started fucking ^_*
No phobia lasts forever 👌😂
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Hi, how are you today?