Health jokes
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.