Health jokes

Yo mama so fat that she's social distancing from herself.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!

Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?

Because there is a family reunion.

You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!

What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?

"Period, oh period, oww!"

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?

Your hairline.

The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!

Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"

What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?

Organ harvesting.

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.

Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?

Because they need parents' signature.