Health jokes
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).