Health jokes

At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?

A. "Till I Collapse."

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?

A: Covid.

I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.

Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.

I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!

What a negative effect!

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet.

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

I'm high and it's very hot.

I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.

What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?

Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.

You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.