Health jokes
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?
Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.