Health jokes
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
I eat cockroaches.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?
No brain, no pain.