Health jokes
I eat cockroaches.
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!