Health jokes
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
My grandpa died to ligma.
Ligma balls lol.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, would he go to hospital or Curry's PC World?
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
What is a type of cancer that:
Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?
Easy, the answer is Fortnite.
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
What's the difference between cancer and my dad?
Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.