Health jokes
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
Official orgasm donor.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.