Health jokes
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
I eat cockroaches.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.