Health jokes
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
Official orgasm donor.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.