Health jokes
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
Memes
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
What did the green grape say to the purple one?
"Calm down and take a breath."