Health jokes
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
What did the green grape say to the purple one?
"Calm down and take a breath."
Your mom is so fat, she starts the alphabet with the letter "o" for obesity, hahaha!
What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?
They both hang by something.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Yo mama is so fat that her wheelchair had to be made into a couch!
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)