Health jokes
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
What did the green grape say to the purple one?
"Calm down and take a breath."
Your mom is so fat, she starts the alphabet with the letter "o" for obesity, hahaha!
What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?
They both hang by something.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Yo mama is so fat that her wheelchair had to be made into a couch!
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle, except Cancer.
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Keep yourself safe!