Health jokes
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle, except Cancer.
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Keep yourself safe!
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
Why are you so white?
Because you have no lotion on.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!