Girlfriend Jokes

My girlfriend is so fat she looked into the mirror and said woah there 2 of me

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class, we had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix. We both raised our hands and she called on both of us. Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff. Leah: and also are you from Harry Potter?

Boyfreaind- let go to bed Girlfriend- no Boyfriend- why Girlfriend-because you want sex Boyfriend- no i dont NEXT MINUT The nan could hear banging

Me and my brother talking about relationships Me: We live kind of differently Brother: We're sort of alike Me: We're not alike Brother because he's taken: cause you don't have boyfriend! My thoughts: You're right. Cause I have a girlfriend!

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant I asked the waiter "People under 12 eat free right" the water confirmed that yes people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "but I'm 13.

I was at my grandpas this weakend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes and when I sent them my grandpas phone when of so he when on his phone then my girlfriend replied

I like my girlfriends like my children dead

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

My Girlfriend asked "why is this test so long and hard?" I then said "you know what else is long and hard..." She was amazed!

What’s red, nine inches long , and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?

Her abortion

whats black anorexic dumb and will never get a girlfriend

My girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheel chair guess who came crawling back

when you accidently choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that its your sister so who gives a f..k

what did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said "im gonna break your heart" He says "go ahead your not breaking my 206 healthy bones"

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend, I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

When your friend gets involved with someone it affects the friendship when ever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend ,we should say I looked like the person you used to know but I've been modified to survive in this relationship if we have an argument and she's there I might disagree with you I'd rather countinue to see her naked.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don't serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.