Girlfriend jokes

My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.

We never met again.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.

He just moved back in with his mom.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.

Yeah, she said, "Do you love me?" I said, "Only partly. I love my bed and my mommy. I'm sorry."

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.

I fucked your girl.

My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?

Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"

She’s so nice.

What is you main food?

Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.

Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.

Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.

I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."

My girlfriend is so fat that when she runs or walks, she falls, so I am breaking up with you.

🙍🏼‍♀️Fat girlfriend: Nooo, don’t leave me, catch me, ahhh!

🙇🏼‍♀️Fat girlfriend falls on boyfriend: Ahhhhhh *dump*

🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼Fat girlfriend and boyfriend: Fat girlfriend: U didn’t catch me wawawawa. Boyfriend: Get off me, 900 pounds, ugh, I hate u!

Story done. Please like.

My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"

Josh: Cookies.

Jacob: My parents.

Erika: My Friends!

Brody: Lamborghinis.

Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)

My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!

*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....

A guy starts texting a cute girl and asks her to give him her phone number so he can call her. The girl says, "OK, but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number. Then I am gonna be your girlfriend and will meet you somewhere." He transfers her the balance and calls her, but it turns out the girl was actually a guy making him a fool. He blocked him.

The next day, he was very angry about himself being a fool, so he thought he'd do the same. He makes a fake girl account and starts texting with some random guy, and then he asks that guy to send him balance. Suddenly, his father came into his bedroom and asked, "Son, can you send me some balance? I am gonna send you cash after sometime." That guy looks at his father with suspicious eyes, and then he calls that random number. Suddenly his father's phone starts ringing......

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.

Face-Timing My Girlfriend:

"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*

When your girlfriend tells you she's a guy: "What, bitch? Naw, hell no!"

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.

STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT'S FUCKING MEMES!

I was in a server, right? And ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just Among Us stuff. I-I showed my champion underwear to my girlfriend and t-the logo I flipped it and I said "hey babe, when the underwear is sus HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING." I fucking looked at a trashcan and said "THAT'S A BIT SUSSY." I looked at my penis. I think of an astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PENSUS" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGESFG