Girlfriend jokes

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?

A girlfriend likes a bad boy.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.