Girlfriend jokes

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?

A girlfriend likes a bad boy.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

Bully: How is your girlfriend?

Me: I don't have one!

Bully: I know!

Me: How are your parents?

*Walks out of orphanage*

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.