Girlfriend jokes

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.