Girlfriend jokes

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?

A girlfriend likes a bad boy.

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!