Girlfriend jokes

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

Hey, who thinks Gwen and Aiden are not dating, and who also thinks this dumb girl named "Zre" is being a dummy? And who thinks Gwen belongs with Prince, aka boyfriend?

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

how old are my girlfriends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:

Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)