Girlfriend jokes

Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!

I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

Hey, who thinks Gwen and Aiden are not dating, and who also thinks this dumb girl named "Zre" is being a dummy? And who thinks Gwen belongs with Prince, aka boyfriend?

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.

In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.