Girlfriend jokes

how old are my girlfriends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.