Girlfriend jokes

My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.

That's a big word for a 6 year old!

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.

If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?

A girl actually dates the paper.

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?

That’s assault!

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.