Girlfriend jokes

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.

Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:

Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

how old are my girlfriends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

Bully: How is your girlfriend?

Me: I don't have one!

Bully: I know!

Me: How are your parents?

*Walks out of orphanage*

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.