What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute.
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office. The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
LBB- why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys Mummy
His mom- Maybe because your the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus- should’ve been better Little Bear
LLB -help Mummy he’s the Scratchy monster
Shrek- just kidding it’s not Krampus but indeeds Me and Black Donkey instead, and were going to poop on your floor
Duggie- hopefully Marvins doesn’t see us and by the way want some purplish koolaid
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms and she responds with “who the frick are you talking about, since I don’t know them I got a surprise for you” she wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled For Eugene
I got LEGOs for Christmas and my friend got her father's headstone
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday, guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex, guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god" Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld"
Mother: "Yeah I picked you up at the giftshop on my way out" Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan"
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday, he gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it. I asked him what was the bullseye for he said target practice
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said "I wanna watch"
In the realm of pixels and screens, Josh pursues videos, a world unseen. Six dollars exchange, a transaction made, A story told, emotions cascade.
The power of film, a gift divine, Stirring souls, weaving through time. Six dollars spent, a connection formed, A simple act, a heart transformed.
In every frame, a universe unfolds, Captivating minds, stories untold. Josh buys videos for six, a token small, Yet within them lies magic, captivating all
Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.
Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.
Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.
Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only cums once a year.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
