Gift

Gift Jokes

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

0

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.

Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.

Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.

Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.

Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.

Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.

Kid: It's not an Apple product.

Indian poor dad: It's a banana.

Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

Will: Yey!

Beverly: What should we bring him?

Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

2

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.

Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide