Gift jokes

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

What do orphans want to get for Christmas?... A mother.

What do orphans get for Christmas?

Lonely.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."

The kid: But it has no home button.

Me: Exactly. 💀

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.