Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
Little Johnny attends school regularly and often brings a box of sultanas as a gift to his favorite teacher.
One morning Little Johnny attends class without a box of sultanas.
The teacher enquires, why Johnny "where is my box of sultanas?"
Johnny replied, "Sorry, miss, my rabbit died."
Your mom is so fat, when she asked, "What gift will I get?" Abuela from Encanto said, "Definitely Taco Bell!" 🌮🔔
I bought a book for my blind friend.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
I bought my son a trampoline he sat in his wheel chair and cried
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
