My mom bought me a car and she called me an ungrateful b**ch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
I bought my son a trampoline he sat in his wheel chair and cried
I went home to & I saw my friend kissing my sister I say what’s going on. They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said alright. The next morning I see my friend kissing my mom I said what going here. They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift I’m your best friend. 2 gift I’m your new brother n law. 3 gift I’m your new stepfather. I felt so happy I had a friend that looking out for me.
My friend:your so skinny you never miss the elevator when it's closing you just slip right through😂
Me thinking it's a gift from god:🕴️😎
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
On my 21st Birthday my mom told me I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child your going to to get something good and something you been looking forward to is what my mom said. Me my mom and my on;y friend celebrate my Birthday then we all went to sleep I woke up the next day I ask hey where my gift you said you got me. My mom said since your father left us you have have no father figure in your life. So this is your new step father the only thing it was my only friend.
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
life is karma... because I was born god gifted me with socially awkwardness, $#!t athletic skills, and stupidity
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball you get a white Christmas
When you get suspended from school For giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did Santa Claus brought Michael Jackson for Christmas ? His elf’s 😂😂😂
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
