Gift jokes

What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

Why are Santa's balls so big?

Because he comes once a year.

So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.

So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby

I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

What do orphans want to get for Christmas?... A mother.

What do orphans get for Christmas?

Lonely.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?

Chlamydia.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.