It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
OMG, you will give me Discord Nitro and Robux?? Sike, I lied!
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
