What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
I gave a deaf kid AirPods.
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
What do orphan want to get for Christmas ... a mother
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
