Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
Gift Jokes
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
What color flowers do mama cats like to get?
Purrrrrrrple flowers.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
You want to know why Santa brings such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
