New Gift Jokes - Page 2 - Worst Jokes Ever

rizz

are you a biographer cause i picture us toghether can i take a picture of you for i can show santa what i want for christmas No pen No paper you still draw my attention you know what i hate about math they always talk about x and y but not about u and i

i saw a depressed kid and i gave him a lamp to lighten up his day

Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me? He didn't give me any. I was made by the devil.

I gave helen keller an oculus and airpods for her 12th birthday and she hated them and me.

What’s it called when you give emo some rope as a present? Murder.

what do you call a blond with half a brain? gifted

A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex. The poor guy asks the rich guy "what'd you get for your wife today?" The rich guy replies " I got her a diamond ring and a mercedes" The poor guy asks "Why did you get two gifts for her?" Rich guy says "If she doesn't like the diamond ring then she can return it in her mercedes" Rich guy asks the poor guy " what'd you get for your wife" Poor guy says " I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo" Rich guy asks "why did you get two gifts for her?" The poor guy says " If she doesnt like the slippers then she can go fuck herself. "

I heard life was a gift. Well I hope they kept the receipt, Because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

For a present on christmas i gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child*

I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.

What present did the armless kid get for Christmas? He got gloves. Ohh sry he cud never open the present.

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,.....Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.