Fucking

Fucking jokes

Gay male

    • If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.

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    • Fucking memes

    Present

    • Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

    The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

    Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

    Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

    The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

    Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

    Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

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    • Bus

    • I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

    She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

    I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

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    • Elbow

    • If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

    If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

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    • Sex

    • They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

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    • Bastard

    • What's the definition of a bastard?

    Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

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    • Chuck Norris

    • Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

    Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

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    • Hell

    • A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

    Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

    Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

    Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

    Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

    Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

    Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

    Demon: "You a smoker?"

    Guy: "You better believe it."

    Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

    Guy: "Golly."

    Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

    Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

    Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

    Guy: "Wow."

    Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

    Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

    Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

    Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

    Demon: "You gay?"

    Guy: "Uh, no."

    Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

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