Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Me: I will fuck ur mom Orphan: I don't have one Me: ......
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
Hey, you down to fuck?
No, I’m just down.
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"
Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
Q:what’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo A:making sure he doesn’t wake up
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked his mom
