Fucking jokes

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.

How do you f**k a duck?

Usually duck a f**k.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

Nepali people are so fucking racist, like I want them all to be extinct.

Obi-Wan be like:

"To Darth Maul, lightsabers are blue, lightsabers are red. I cut you in half, why the fuck aren’t you dead?"

Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Timmy: *starts crying*

Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

If this pops up on your timeline, fuck you!

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

I AM FUCKING HAPPY AS HELL.

What did Satin say to God??

"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

I fucked a wall.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

What do Boy Scouts and IG models have in common?

They both be fucking sugar daddies.