Friend jokes
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Like if your best friend is emo.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Why can't an orphan be a YouTuber? Because most of the videos are family-friendly.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
James, sike, I lied, your mommy is pancakes, is so dry.
My best friend: Joey, sike, I lied, your Twitch is dry.
My other friends: the winner is................. my guy James!
When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.
Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?
Angela: His name is Kevin.
Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?
Angela: I don't know.
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.
With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see his friend.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.