Friend jokes

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?

How much context, pecker? You Press context categoria, go Discord.

Drink tea with friend game night.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

What do you call your retard friend?

A homie with an extra cromie.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

If y'all look up freshfry jokes, I'll come up. About a year ago, I had a bunch of friends on this app.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?

Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.

Tell it to your parents and friends!