Friend jokes

Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

Confucius say: "Gay man who take far, far away trip, hates to leave friends behind."

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

"Lettuce be friends!"

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

What do you call your retard friend?

A homie with an extra cromie.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.