Foot jokes

How do you get a hippy pregnant?

Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.

Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

Why can't your nose be twelve inches?

Because then it would be a foot.

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face...

Chuck Norris once won a race against Usain Bolt, running in the opposite direction around the track, blindfolded, on one foot.

You don't need brains to be a Boss.

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.

What is the plural of goose? Geese.

What is the plural of foot? Feet.

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ain't meese!

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?

1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?

2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.

3. My foot lasts longer than your life.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.

I never get off on the wrong foot.

A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.

Why can’t a nose be 12 feet long?

Because then, it would be a foot.

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.