Food jokes

What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?

He's got some "sweet" moves!

The waiter recommended the rug meal.

She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.

What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a wank.

What is a good night's sleep, and what do I have for dinner today is what [I want to know].

Why did ranch tell fridge to close the door?

He was dressing.

I did a walk today and had dinner 🍴 night time to do you a good dinner 🍴 night and dinner 🍴 night. I love 💕 was the chicken 🍗 I had to go get dinner 🍴 night night dinner 🍴 night time to be good to get a night sleep 💤 night night fun day tomorrow.

Are you an egg? 'Cause your jokes ain't funny.

The chicken is actually a fruit because it is grown on a pole-tree.

I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.

In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother has diabetes.

The Cheerio Joke

Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.

So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.

The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."

Jesus is what he eats!

Shit!

I would have told you a cheesy pun, but it was too cheesy. *picks up cheeses*

Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."

First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."

She replies, "Really original."

Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."

She replies, "Ew, gross."

Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."

Winner dog 3.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

What is a carrot's favorite shop?

The wheelchair store.

I got banana nut bread for you.

Oh no, the nuts are missing!

Oh, I found them!

You know where they are?

UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!

I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.