Food jokes
What is an obese lady's blood type?
Nutella.
Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?
Because they were using the computer and thought about it.
What do people often say in a cold Mexican kitchen?
Brrrrrrito!
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?
You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
Your mom is so skinny, she eats Skinny Pop!
What did the goat say?
"Let's play the grass!"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣funny joke yes
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
(True story)
One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
Why do fat people like food?
The more the merrier.
Noob butter eater.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
"Orphans get picked."