Food jokes

What is an obese lady's blood type?

Nutella.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?

Because she got hit by a bus.

What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?

When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.

Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.

His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?

You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?

In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.

I have a riddle for you:

10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.

Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”

Once he eats it, he starts crying.

Why?

Why do Mexicans eat tacos?

Because they're border hoppers.

Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother has diabetes.

What do you call an infant with no legs?

Ground beef.

I don't want to taco about myself.

If I busted an egg on your head... The yolk would be on you... hahaha...

The chicken is actually a fruit because it is grown on a pole-tree.

I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.

The waiter recommended the rug meal.

She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.

My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!

Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!