Food jokes
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?
You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
"-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"
"- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"
What's Damo's favorite food?
Big slongs.
Memes
it's a fnac ref
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
The waiter recommended the rug meal.
She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.
If I busted an egg on your head... The yolk would be on you... hahaha...
In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.
Why do Mexicans eat tacos?
Because they're border hoppers.
Why do fat people like food?
The more the merrier.
Noob butter eater.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
"Orphans get picked."
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
Yo mama so fat, everytime she has to use the world's largest knife.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling very well.
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
My name is Mr. Cheese, but your jokes are still cheesier than me...
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!