Food jokes
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!
Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.
Why do orphans love chips?
Because every bag of chips is family size.
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
"Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a computer screen, and then they can see the government has to get Chili's."
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"