Food jokes
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
What's the difference between a bird and jam?
You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.
What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
Jesus is what he eats!
Shit!
Peanut butter 🧈?
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
What do skeletons say before they eat?
Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their dad left and never came back home with the milk.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
What kind of cheese protects castles?
MOAT-zerrela.
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
A person laughs every day.
"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.
Bitch wanna make me a sandwich?