Food jokes
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
I love going to Hooters and looking at the menu... If you know what I mean;)
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.