Food jokes

What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?

“I’m gonna cashew!”

What happens to a nervous nut?

It cracks.

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.

How do you kill a sheep?

You lamb shank it!

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?

A dictator.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Pillsbury was a fruit.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."

Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?

He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.

What do frogs eat?

French fries!

Why do orphans have cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Period blood is like KFC, because it's finger-licking good!

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

You're built like a double cheeseburger.

A sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

I am like mushrooms. Nobody likes me, but everybody tolerates me.

Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.

What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?

Candy is something everybody wants.