Food jokes
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
What is a good nut?
A magic nut!
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
Why do orphans like milk so much?
Because they got no milk as a baby.
Why?
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
Why don’t orphans and Chinese kids play baseball. The orphans can’t find home and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
Have you tried eating a clock?
It's time-consuming!
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
What's a shark's favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish!