Food jokes
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
I like peanut butter and honey.
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! XD
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
Hey Gwen! What is a bean's specialty? Being a jerk!
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”