Food jokes
Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.
Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?
A: Delici-Oso
What do you call expired milk?
The Milky Way.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
I like peanut butter and honey.
I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! XD
What happens after you eat at a combination Chinese-German restaurant?
An hour later, you're hungry—for power!