Food jokes
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
Memes
Look at it, it's a soulless green glob.
I like peanut butter and honey.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! XD
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
What's a lesbian's favorite candy?
Licorice.
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
Keep calm and curry on!
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain!