Food jokes
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic.
Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.
What's a benefit of being an orphan? The chips always come in a family size :)
What do orphans call a family photo? A selfie.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
What do you call it when you sell Panera Bread in your shed?
Panera Shed.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To run from poachers.
Have you heard about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
I heard a joke about chocolate.
It wasn’t that funny.
I just Snicker-ed.
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
Q: When a chip gets popped, what happens to it?
A: It gets pooped out of the bag.
I hate orange, but that always juice back.
Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?
Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
Someone cutting the cheese then farted.
Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"