Food jokes
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.
Memes
so true
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
I like peanut butter and honey.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! XD
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.