Food jokes
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Why should you never talk to pie at a party? Because it goes on forever.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.
Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be water melon.
I breathe in African food.
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.
Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?
It reminds him of last night.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in milk?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a gay drive up?
A fruit roll-up.
My chocky milk, don't you touch my chocky milk! It's mine! No it's not! It's your face! Ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Why can't orphans buy chips?
Because they're family sized!
Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.
Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.
Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.